


Did he even make a sound?

by You_will_be_more_found



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Connor Tries, Everyone Needs A Hug, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jared Kleinman Angst, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman Needs Love, Jared and connor grow closer, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-10-26 23:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17755940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/You_will_be_more_found/pseuds/You_will_be_more_found
Summary: Jared loses a friend. But will he find one as well?





	1. Jared in the bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> This is an rp idea I got from rping with @mis. March on instagram.
> 
> TW: suicide mentioned

Jared walked into the school, it's only been a week and he hated it. He made his way to his locker looking around for his friend Evan. Yes freind. Not family friend like he has told people. He wasn't hanging around him for money, that was a lie. He truly did care for the boy, and he was his friend. He just..never showed it. Finally the bell rang leaving a confused Jared wondering where evan was. He shrugged it off and went into class sitting down and pulled out his phone to text him.

**Papa J**

**Evaan dude class is starting finish whatever you are finishing and hurry up. Plus do you have my homework from yesterday??**

 He sighed and looked back the last message he sent him yesterday.

 **Tre** **e** **boi**

**Jared I want you to know I love you. You are the best family friend I could ever have.**

**Papa J**

**Lol thats gay but Love ya to buddy**

After no response from the new text he figured the boy was sick. So he put his phone away and started to stare into space.

He could barely hear the teacher talking blah. Blah blah boring stuff. But hus heart dropped for some reason like something bad was going to happen. she was talking about if you felt lost and alone then get help if you want to kill yourself get help.. then all he could make out was Evan Hansen....suicide...dead.

Evan Hansen. Evan Hansen of all people. In a moment Jared was out of his seat, out of the classroom. He didn't care if the teacher was yelling for him. He couldn’t be here. He had to be anywhere else but here and this had to be some sick joke. In one swoop Jared could feel the facade he had carefully constructed for years come crumbling down. It wasn’t just a crack in the mask; his mask was shattered. He could already feel tears running down his cheeks, clouding his vision as he practically ran down the hall, bumping into someone. and made his way to inisde the closest bathroom. 

Connor Murphy at this time has no idea Evan Hansen is dead.

He went through his day normally, or as normal as he could considering he’s a suicidal bastard with no friends.

Skipped class, smoked weed, repeat.

He was walking through the hallway now, getting ready to escape this hellhole, when someone bumped into him.

“Hey—!”

Jesus fucking Christ.

He grunted and turned around.

Whoever that was went to the bathroom.

That person was probably fucking with him.

Well, Connor was gonna show the guy a lesson.

He went to the bathroom, knocking on each stall frantically, body shaking as his anger started to pent up. “Asshole! You bumped into me!”

Jared jumped when he heard Connor. You've got to be kidding me

"did anyone teach you to mind your own business Murphy!" Jared yelled

“Fuck you!” He yelled. “You’re picking on me, aren’t you?!”

"Jesus christ- not everything is about you asshole!"

“Stop fucking denying it and come out here!”

Jared wiped his eyes and stood up unlocking the stall door and walked infront of Connor. His eyes were red and puffy

Connor looked at him and his eyes widened "Are you uh oK?

"I'm fine." He growled

"Don't need to get all angry at me kleinamn"

"Says the one who was banging on the stall door just because I bumped into you. And why do you care about if I'm ok all of a sudden"

Connor balled his fists up towering over jared "A few seconds ago I didnt know you were crying"

"Well it's all over the school probably. Something fucked me up" He said and started to walk out

Connor snorted "What. Some guy kick your ass?"

Jared froze and turned back to Connor with a blank face "My best friend killed himself" and with that Jared left leaving a shocked Connor.

A few days had passed. Evan had a funeral, the whole school acted like they cared for him. All that sappy shit. Jared? He told himself to suck it up. He had to rebuild his mask and walls before anyone else knew they were gone. He tried getting back to his old self but it was different without Evan.

Jared walked back into the bathroom as he felt tears sting his eyes and sat down leaning on the wall.

"You know people do their business on these floors kleinman"

Jared snorted and leaned his head back on the well "Yeah no kidding Murphy. I was one of them"

After a few seconds he looked to his left and saw Connor sitting next to him. "Its hevan without you laughing at me every day. It finnally seems my life has value " Connor mumbled and jared sighed

"Well don't get used to it Murphy." Jared chuckled and looked up a little closing his eyes.

".........Ok what is wrong with you kleinman. seriously You've been quiet which is weird for you. And you would of already told me I look like a phsyo. But you haven't. So what's wrong."

Jared shrugged " Well I'm blind without my glasses so"

"No I mean how are you dealing with Evan."

Jared tensed up at evans name and sighed rubbing his head "I'm fine"

"I smell bullshit"

"For crying out-If you knew I was lying why did you even ask?"

Connor shrugged "Eh. I hit home with suicide and it sucks. Say this. Lets skip today. Hang around somewhere tomorrow we act like nothing happened. You can go back to tormenting me. Deal?"

Jared looked at him and shrugged "Yeah whatever" He mumbled standing up "Where are we going?"

"A place a knew as a kid. It's closed now but we can sneak in if we want. Know the apple orchard?"

"Heh. Yeah I know that place."

Connor cracked a smile and stood up "Well lets go.But your driving"

Jared rolled his eyes and chuckled.

Maybe connor wasn't that bad ...

"Well it is my car. I don't want your dirty drug hands on it"

"Well I do get high and sruff. If you want a stoner asl kropp or something" Connor laughed and started to follow Jared out of the bathroom

 

They walked out of the school and walked to jareds car. Jared got inside the car and sighed taking a deep breath. Before Connor could ask anything he started up the car and drove out of the student parking lot.

The orchard was almost an hour away. Jared didn't think this through. How was he going to survive with Connor Murphy next to him?!

"So why did you agree to come with me?" Connor asked breaking the silence and Jared looked over at him

"What?"

"Why did you agree. You said you had friends, why don't ask them for help?"

"I haven't seen them"

"Mmh..so besides Evan who do you hang out with?"

"My friends"

"And who are they?"

"Why do you care so much?!" Jared yelled at Connor and shook his head sighing. He looked back at the road.

"I /don't/ care. I was asking questions." Connor mumbled crossing his arms. "Geez"

"Whatever" Jared mumbled he turned on the radio and kept quiet. "Fucking dammit" He cursed ten minutes later as he pulled into a gas station "Out of gas"

Connor shrugged "Don't look at me. I'm broke"

Jared sighed and got out of the car himself pulling out some money.

Connor watched the boy in silence. He felt..pity for him. Yeah Jared was a jerk.. And an asshole but still. He lost his friend. Even if he did have other friends losing someone close does hurt.

He snapped back when he heard the car door slam and he looked at jared who had his hands griped on the steering wheel. His chuckles white.

"Woah hey what happened?" Connor asked and Jared didn't respond.

Turns out Jared remembered something that evan used to do. Something jared loved about him. And god it hurt him

Jared knew Connor was talking but he couldn't hear what until a hand on his shoulder snaped him out

"-Ard can you hear me?" Connor asked and Jared nodded "Yeah. Yeah spaced out"

Connor raised his eyebrow "Maybe I should drive..."

Jared was about to protest but nodded in agreement and both boys switched places.

Connor started Jareds car and drove out of the gas station looking over at Jared who was on his phone "You ok?"

"M'Fine Murphy"

Connor nodded and sighed.

About thirty minutes later they got to the orchard and Jared looked around "Woah." He said and got of the car.

"Nice place right?" Connor chuckled and got out as well. "Well cmon. We can get in over the fence" He said and Jared followed. This day may be a good day..


	2. New friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Connor talk

Smskakskksn sk d d kdjs. So I see it be let it skng

Jared and Connor sat under a tree and talked to each other laughing.

"That was you?!" jared snorted and Connor nodded

"Yeah yeah I know it was a dare to wear a dress and a wig for Halloween"

"Oh my god" He snorted

"Yeah but I remember seeing you last Halloween in that-"

"No! Don't you dare say that" He laughed "God that was a mistake to wear"

  
"you know it I remember one time Evan-" Connors eyes widened "Shit I'm sorry I-"

  
Jared looked down and sighed softly "Its ok.."

" im sorry I pulled him up-"

"no... No it's fine"

Connor bit his lip and sighed.

"......I was going to kill myself on the first day of school."

"What?" Jared said his eyes widening at the sudden comment.

"Yeah..but Evan he convinced me not to...I saw a letter he wrote and I got pissed and was about to run off but he stopped me..He was a really nice guy.."

"Yeah. Yeah evan was amazing..." Jared smiled

His phone rang and Jared pulled it out sighing 'parents' He mouthed

"I'm not with anyone"

"Yeah I went home feeling sick"

"Ok I promise to tell you next time bye" He said and hung up

"You lie to your parents?"

"Yeaah? Why?"

"No reason. Just people who lie are insecure"

"Connor im not insecure"

"mmhm. Suuure"

"Im /not/"

"Suuuuuure.. But I know whats it like to not have friends Jared. Haven't had one in my whole life. It's hard...."

"Can you shut up about that."

Connor nodded "Yeah whatever"

The day went on. They got lunch together. Laughed hung out. Gave each other their numbers. Everything was going great. Who would of guessed them to be friends?

It was after dinner now and Connor had droven Jared back home an hour ago.was in his bed scrolling through instagram until he got a text from Jared, a lot of texts

  
**Less of an asshole**

_Fonnor_

_Conrnr_

_Fonrnro_

_Connor_

_Lol you ok?_

_M drino_

_Drink_

_Drunk_

_Lol_

_Drino_

_Drino drinko drinko? Thats a funny word lol_

  
_Jared are you ok_  
 _Read at 8:29 pm_  
  
_Jared_

_Jared?_   
  
_Im coming over_

  
_Connor got out of bed, running downstairs and to Jared houses and tried the door. It was open. He stepped inside looking around "Kleinamn?"_

He walked upstairs and saw jared laying on his bed. A bottle next to him

"Jesus what happened?!"

"Got drunk....then drank more" He said and sat up

"ok buddy I think you had enough" connor chuckled

"I'm fine so shut up" He growled chugging down a bottle. Everything felt numb and Jared didn't care. He needed this. He wasn't going to self harm himself, he knew what it could do, so his Best bet was drinking

"Jared your not fine. How much have you had?"

"Enough to get me drunk" He said and Connor snatched the bottle out of his hands

"Jared this is serious"

"give me the bottle Connnor" He slurred agian walking to the door, stlmbling a little

"No" Connor said putting the bottle down. He wrapped an arm around his shoulder and waist to help him up and he started walking down stairs with him

"Shtop"

"No"

"Fuck yo" Jared slurred and connor rolled his eyes. They got downstairs and he sat him on the couch.

He sat next to Jared and looked at him

"Is this about Evan?"

Jared snorted and leaned back "maaaybe"

Connors expression fell and he bit his lip

"Jared I know you miss him a lot but you need to talk. I know it's all weird and how we are friends...? And I know how we've hated other for years but I can see you are trying to change

"I'm loss" he said blinking and snorted

"Asshole" Connor mumbled.

Jared was quiet and connor looked at him. He sighed, looking at jared passed out and stood up. Getting some food and water for him

About thirty minutes later Jared graoned opening his eyes "ow fuck"

"Glad your up after getting drunk asshole" Connor mumbled and sat down next to him "why did you drink?" he asked handing him water

"To remind me it's my fault" Jared shrugged drinking the water down quickly

"Hey woah, it is not your fault. You should know that. Evan loved you"

He rolled his eyes "Sure"

"You know it's bad to bottle all of this stuff up... "

"So?"

"So..? it's bad for you. It can hurt you. You can reach out and talk to someone.

".....Well Ive lasted this long without help so-"

"You've always had Hansen right?"

Jared froze up and wiped his eyes quickly.

Connor frowned and hugged the smaller boy tightly and felt jared tense up under him

  
"You ok?" Connor asked

"..I guess" He mumbled

Connor frowned softly and hugged Jared again "I know it hurts but it's not your fault jared."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Jared shook his head and connor nodded "I know it hurts, it feels like shit but you need to ask for help if you want it"

"thanks..."

"Anytime"

"...........Can you stay the night?"

"Of course" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF sorry it took so long


End file.
